By Uncleben
And now here they are! The most daredevil group of drivers ever to whirl their wheels in the weekly, wacky race for the Song Bar A-list. They’re approaching the starting line. And they’re off!
George Jones - The Race Is On
Nominator TarquinSpodd speeds into an early lead with a song that uses horse racing as an extended metaphor for the narrator’s troubled love life. Songwriter Don Rollins was inspired by a day at the Turf Paradise Race Course in Phoenix, Arizona. Here’s an interesting live version, with Jones looking both high as a kite and not unlike Woody from Toy Story.
Steeleye Span - Creeping Jane
In some deft link-up play, Suzi picks up the equestrian theme and gallops off with this old English folk song. When Jane appears at the racecourse, the gentlemen all giggle at the thought of her even lasting the distance (sexism in sport goes back a long way, sadly), but Jane lifts up her lily-white hoof at the third milepost and leaves the competition for dust.
The Intruders - (Win, Place or Show) She’s a Winner
From filly to Philly, as magicman places his bet on this prime Gamble and Huff production. For metaphorical reasons, the singer’s girlfriend is neck and neck with another woman as she runs into the home stretch.
The Drifters - Rat Race
And neck and neck in the soul stakes here’s Banazir Galbasi, who’s picked a terrific little song that weighs in at barely over 2 minutes but features a splendidly varied Leiber and Stoller arrangement. The Drifters enjoy mixing their metaphors here with a rat race, dog-eat-dog world and concrete jungle.
Otis Taylor - He Never Raced on Sunday
Sporting the yellow jersey, tincanman slows down the pace with a gently hypnotic blues number, celebrating the life of Marshall “Major” Taylor. Despite persistent racism and intimidation from fellow competitors and promoters, Taylor set multiple world cycling records in the 1890s and 1900s. As a devout Baptist, he refused to race on Sundays, causing the American Racing Cyclists’ Union to suspend him from membership.
Mark Knopfler - Speedway at Nazareth
IsabelleForshaw now takes us hurtling onto the IndyCar circuit. “From springtime in Arizona ’til the fall in Monterey, and the raceways were the battlefields and we fought ’em all the way.” An elegiac, biblical account of the narrator’s trials and tribulations before finding redemption at the now defunct Nazareth Speedway in Pennsylvania.
Roxanne Shante - Have a Nice Day
The referee is checking the VAR footage, as there’s some suggestion MussoliniHeadkick may have been playing the guru. But no, it’s been given the all-clear! Lolita Shante Gooden was only 14 when she busted into the male-dominated world of rap, blazing a pioneering trail with a string of diss records blasting off at her competitors. The stakes were never even – Kurtis Blow later admitted that, when Shanté competed for the title of Best Freestyle Rapper, he refused to vote for her because she was a girl. But she’s now regarded as one of the patron saints of hip hop.
Ethel Merman & Ray Middleton - Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)
Anything you can do, severin, I can do better – the definitive version is of course by Merman and Miss Piggy. No, you don’t think so? OK, you win – we’ll go with the original cast recording from Annie Get Your Gun. An utterly silly and delightful sharpshooting competition between Annie Oakley and Frank Butler, via the pen of Irving Berlin. Neither of them can bake a pie, though.
Alex Chilton - My Rival
Listeners probably don’t appreciate the sheer technical difficulty of this nomination. Alex Chilton has no solo recordings in the Marconium. And the song is from an album that divided the critics, to say the least, with one reviewer claiming it was a frontrunner for the worst ever made. But here’s Traktor Albatrost, cool as a cucumber, performing the Song Bar equivalent of a reverse three-and-a-half somersaults with half-twist. And there it is – a wild, sprawling, anarchic mess of sound and a perfect 10 from the judges.
Prefab Sprout - Cue Fanfare
Grandmaster vanwolf2 moves Paddy McAloon to D4 and it’s checkmate - sensational play! Bobby Fischer’s plane touches down in Moscow, where he’s going to take those Russian boys and play them out of town. McAloon said the song is about how people latch on to heroes because they want somebody else to fight their battles for them vicariously.
Little Carl Carlton - Competition Ain’t Nothin’
Several nominations this week about boys competing for girls (rarely, if ever, the other way round). Nicko edges it to the boundary with this Northern soul classic. Turns out you don’t need to worry about the competition if you’ve got a love that’s true. Aww.
Sir Mack Rice - Nobody Wins Till the Game Is Over
Some people are on the pitch, they think it’s all over. It is now! Fred Erickson, sharp as a needle, sidesteps the last defender, looks up at goal, and lets this Stax southern soul stomper soar into the back of the net.
The Adversaries’ A-list Playlist:
George Jones - The Race Is On
Steeleye Span - Creeping Jane
The Intruders - (Win, Place or Show) She’s a Winner
The Drifters - Rat Race
Otis Taylor - He Never Raced on Sunday
Mark Knopfler - Speedway at Nazareth
Ethel Merman & Ray Middleton - Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)
Roxanne Shante - Have a Nice Day
Alex Chilton - My Rival
Prefab Sprout - Cue Fanfare
Little Carl Carlton - Competition Ain’t Nothin’
Sir Mack Rice - Nobody Wins Till the Game Is Over
The Battle of the Bands B-List Playlist
The Spelding’s Jazz Orchestra - Wacky Races Theme
The Wikipedia page has a helpful table that shows you the results for all 34 races. Would never have guessed that the Slag Brothers and the Boulder Mobile had the most top-3 placings.
The Beach Boys - Little Deuce Coupe
No, I still don’t really understand what a competition clutch is.
The Smiths - You’ve Got Everything Now
Never clear what Mozza and his rival were competing over, back at the old grey school. Tiddlywinks is my guess.
Spin Doctors - Two Princes
More boys competing for the girl’s love.
Just Jack - Starz in Their Eyes
The short-lived and ill-starred fame of the celebrities concocted by TV talent shows.
Fountains of Wayne - All Kinds of Time
A young quarterback has a zen moment and makes the perfect play.
Archie Roach - Rally Round the Drum (ft Paul Kelly)
Paul Kelly’s solo version was A-listed for songs about fighting, but this demands to be heard.
Womack & Womack - T.K.O.
Fabulous cover of a song by Teddy Pendergrass, whose love life had him on the ropes.
Prince Far I - Big Fight
I’m no expert on the Queensbury Rules, but I’m pretty sure bicycles are not allowed in the ring. Natty Dread vs Babylon - no prizes for guessing the winner.
Wire - Champs
The taste of champions, the pace, the speed. A sprinting 1:44 finish.
Barmy Army - Sharp as a Needle
Adrian Sherwood tribute to the silky skills of Liverpool footballer Kenny Dalglish.
The Real Sounds of Africa - Tornados vs. Dynamos
A 13-minute blow-by-blow account of a match between Zimbabwean teams State House Tornados and Dynamos F.C.
Guru’s Wildcard Pick
DJ Krush - Only the Strong Survive (with CL Smooth)
Oh, and here’s the incomparable Ethel Merman with Miss Piggy
The race is run? Now maybe enjoy another lap of honour …
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations in response to last week's topic: Day at the races: songs about competitions and competing. The next topic will launch on Thursday at 1pm UK time.
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