By The Landlord
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“From the cradle to the coffin, underwear comes first.” – Bertolt Brecht
“Governments are like underwear. They start smelling pretty bad if you don't change them once in a while.” – Margaret Murray
“You only did it so you could wear / Terry underwear …” – Belle & Sebastian
Knickers! Suspenders! Underpants! This is a subject that would usually, er, go down well. But will you pull me up on this? And how might a thong theme play out? On a G-string? Will they stretch out, elastically, be brief, or more Long John Baldry?
But as with any subject, there’s much more lurking beneath the surface. This week then it's time to mention the unmentionables, to big up the smalls, fill out those bras, slip on those slips, neglect not the negligés, find variety in vests – string, cotton or more, bulge out the boxers, squeeze into corsets, jingle those jockeys, panties, skivvies, skidders, undies, Eddy Grundys, thongs and long johns of course, and perhaps, though I wouldn’t myself, even a mankini, and any other kind of underthings, mentioned in song lyrics, in full view of subject, as a metaphor, or more mentioned as a passing fancy, or clever bit of lacy detail.
Dress down to Cabaret …
Some people’s underwear is other people’s overwear, so how to you define undergarments? It’s a slightly loose-fitting concept in modern life of course, context being all, as I once discovered many years ago in my young student days when, having become very relaxed and it being quite normal to walk around in various buttoned boxer shorts all summer long when working on Greek island beaches, I then without thinking about it, just continued in this mode, travelling home in similar garb, first on a very warm and sunny ferry boat with everyone else in similar swimmable wear, then to boiling hot Athens, then on to a plane, then a train at the other end, and suddenly realised I was walking through Manchester Piccadilly Railway Station in the pouring rain in nothing but T-shirt, sandals, and my underpants.
So what indeed is underwear? For the most part these are the items of clothing you wear role to protect the skin from friction or chafing from outer garments, with this generally visible out items in turn protected by your underwear from being soiled by certain parts of your body. Of course underwear provides concealment for private parts, and plays role in helping them behave, and keep shape.
So in the context of song, underwear can play many roles, variously descriptive, sexy, suspenseful, comical, funny, sensible and functional, or filthy.
Underwear as we know it today, certainly in the form of elasticated underpants or knickers or bras, is a relatively modern idea. For thousands of years women were more likely to wear layers of cloth and basic skirts, while for many, the earliest form would have been the loincloth, with leather examples found by archaeologists as long as 7,000 years ago. Ancient Egypt’s King Tutankamun wore finest cloth versions, and the Romans wrapped up in them too. In the Middle Ages things began to change with braies - looser, semi-trouser wraps tied around the waist.
For a convenient flap device for relieving yourself or other contexts for whipping out the old fella, gradually came the codpiece, a pouch that attached around the genitals. At first it was just for convenience, to protect that area in battle, but throughout 15th and 16th century Europe it became an article of underwear high fashion after Henry VIII decided his was going to be bigger than everyone else’s and and an absurd arms race (or cock race?) ensued, as they became ever more shapely, ornate and showy.
Codpiece anyone?
More often driven by sexist male fantasy that practicality, women’s underwear began to evolve from the French upper body chemize, then below it petticoats, then gradually the corset stemming from the bodice, that organ-crushing item created to accentuate shape often in layers, with a decorative bodice worn on top of another stiffened with buckram, reeds, canes, whalebone or other materials that carried on well into Victorian times, gradually loosening through the 20th century. Dresses were filled out with all kinds of paraphernalia to accentuate changing shapes.
A bit of a squeeze
Soft cotton underwear most us wear now only became the norm in the advent of the industrial revolution and mass production with the Spinning Jenny and other inventions.
And bras didn’t arrive until the 19th century evolving alongside the corset as it began to shrink, but the technology was shaped as much by what men wanted to see and women wanted to show. The Wonderbra may have been huge in the 1990s, but the bullet bra of the 1940s and 1950s was surely its most prominent design sure to be eye-catching, and if you’re not careful, eye-gouging.
I think we get the point here
Bras may feature big in some songs this week, whether they are basic and push-up sexy, sophisticated and lacy, sold on a cheap market stall or from Rigby & Peller, the bra maker to the Queen.
Sex is a huge driving force for underwear design, but who do we fasten it to music? Since Elvis thrust himself onto the scene in the 1950s underwear began to fly towards him on stage.
Tom Jones, being Wales’s answer to Elvis, found that female fans in Las Vegas and elsewhere could not help themselves. In this interview, he describes how it all started and then became all a bit of a problem:
Men generally never throw their undies at female performers, but why vice versa? Knicker throwing is something of a cultural phenomenon, not merely in live music, but elsewhere. I’ve been to at least three pubs around the world where the ceiling is covered in ladies’ underwear. I’m sure I’ve looked up to find them in cities from Glasgow to Barcelona, but the one I first saw was at Tommy Ducks in Lower Moseley Street in the centre of Manchester, a legendary venue that stood at least since the mid-19th century, taking its name from Thomas Duckworth, landlord in 1870.
Sadly it is no longer around, demolished, illegally by Greenall Whitley Brewery in 1993. A place known for its many characters including its landlords, the last who took shit from no one and always wore slippers. Apparently on certain nights of the year female punters would throw their knickers up to the ceiling in order to get a free drink. More more about this establishment, here’s a link to a brief history.
Hanging out in the Tommy Ducks pub in Manchester
So who else has things to say about lucky underwear, or always wearing a clean pair just in case? Gathered in our own version of Tommy Ducks, we have many visitors, if not stripped down to their essentials, or throwing them to the ceiling, are certainly keen bear all and talk about it. Randy Newman is here, recalling his time meeting another music star who is always seen in hers. “I once had dinner with Madonna and I wasn't nervous but within about a minute I found myself talking about underwear.”
“Well, darling,” chips in Katie Price with a pout, "I have loads of underwear, but only wear the bras because I never wear knickers.” At this point Randy makes his way to the bar in embarrassment.
Whether in lyrics, or general underwear is also a very useful metaphor, or in this case, simile.
“Intelligence is like underwear, everyone has it, but you don't have to show it off. The expression a woman wears on her face is more important than the clothes she wears on her back,” says the writer Dale Carnegie
“And knowledge is like underwear, adds the English priest and writer Nicky Gumbel. “It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.” One would hope not, especially you’re a vicar.
And here’s another. “Passwords are like underwear: you don’t let people see it, you should change it very often, and you shouldn’t share it with strangers,” says Chris Pirillo, the blog and tech entrepreneur.
So underwear is about change as it about privacy, or indeed letting either of those things for others to see, though not usually as in Jenny Agutter and siblings in The Railway Children, waving your petticoats to stop the train in an emergency:
Petticoats on the line: The Railway Children
But sometimes being in the public eye, and literally showing your knickers in public, can be difficult. Britney Spears, who, if anyone has seen the recent documentary, is still performing, but is kept under wraps by her father, once remarked: “Media over here, coming to ya like a world premiere. Trench coat and my underwear, let's go with this freak show.”
And Song Bar favourite Fiona Apple expresses some disdain at how she and underwear have become so entwined just because of one video from her first album. “I never thought I'd be in a position where people would be talking about my sexuality and saying how good I look in underwear.”
Heartthrob actor Paul Newman, best know for his smile and eyes, remarks: “I find it hard to believe that anyone could be so curious about me that they would want to read that I wear underwear shorts with green polka dots on them.”
Meanwhile Jean Harlow simply tells us: “Underwear makes me uncomfortable. And besides my parts have to breathe.”
Further visitors from stage and screen have arrived, turning the subject inside out a little.
“I love Superman. I'm a big fan of anyone who can make his living in his underwear,” reckons David Mamet
“I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear,” says Woody Allen, briefly.
Can Can. It’s all about layers and legs
And what do you make of this remark by Hugh Grant comparing himself to Cary Grant - truth, irony or double bluff? "The truth is, I'd never seen a Cary Grant film. Since then I have watched his stuff and it's astounding, but I don't see any similarity between us. Except for the fact that I'm told he used to wear ladies' underwear, which is something I also do.”
Andy Warhol has turned up with a practical frame of mind: “What I've always wished I'd invented was paper underwear, even knowing that the idea never took off when they did come out with it. I still think it's a good idea, and I don't know why people resist it when they've accepted paper napkins and paper plates and paper curtains and paper towels-it would make more sense not to have to wash out underwear than not to have to wash out towels.” But would it turn to Pulp? It’s perhaps more palatable than edible underwear …
So during this rummage through by metaphorical music underpants draw, I’ve stumbled on a number of great songs that mention the unmentionables, with the Belle & Sebastian quote from a song previously chosen for the subject of sports. So not wishing to unfold or spoil the joy of your discoveries, I won’t mention any more, except to say the songs I’ve glimpsed, are by several favourite artists often suggested here. I’m sure, though there will be many more hanging on our proverbial public washing line by the time playlists are created.
So to close, let’s enjoy not a song about underwear, but one performed in nothing but it with full panache - the one and only Tim Curry:
Which leaves me to leave you in suspense, or suspenders no more, and to welcome this week’s brilliant bar (or is that bra?) manager - the perfectly fitting philipphilip99! Please place your underwear-related songs in comments below by last orders 11pm on Monday UK time, for playlists published next week. Show us what you’ve got - up to a point …
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