By Marco den Ouden
Dedicated to the memory of George Boyland, aka webcore and sonofwebcore
Shortly before this topic was posted, we were told of the unexpected and sudden passing of longtime Song Bar contributor and former Readers Recommend aficionado George Boyland. Previously posting as webcore, then sonofwebcore, George was our big Captain Beefheart fan and that pseudonym came from one of Beefheart’s songs.
So this week I am sandwiching my usual 13-song selection within two Captain Beefheart songs in his honour.
A tribute piece with contributions from others, and samples from his own writing and comments will appear at a later date on this site.
We open the list with one of the Captain’s bluesier numbers, Bluejeans and Moonbeams. We follow that up with a solid rocker from ZZ Top—Legs! Nearly all the songs about legs were about women’s legs (I wonder why that is!)
Big Legs seemed to be popular. Freddie King sings about his Big-Legged Woman (In a Short, Short Mini Skirt). As nominator Nicko noted, he’s such a romantic with the line “I love you better than a hog loves slop.” If that doesn’t set a woman’s heart to pounding, nothing will!
Heck, a woman doesn’t even need both legs to have that special appeal. Willie King sings a tribute to his Peg Leg Woman.
Let’s take mellow interlude with Jeff Healey who has the Blue Jeans Blues. Some solid blues guitar from Healey in this one! Not feeling the blues at all, Dr. Hook tells us his Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk. Metaphorically speaking, of course!
There were a surprising number of songs nominated with suggestive lyrics. Bawdy even! I selected two for this list. We get a big band blues number from Bull Moose Jackson and his Buffalo Bearcats—I Want a Bow-Legged Woman. It has nothing to do with riding horses, although there is riding involved. Even bawdier is an outing from Beyoncé and Post Malone. “Boy, I'll let you be my Levi's jeans so you can hug that ass all day long,” she sings. “Saddle up, I love to go.” And those are the tamer lyrics!
Now we visit three countries in quick succession. The first is not stated. Just the visitors. Two Americans in Corduroys who unabashedly enjoy “kissing in the middle of the street.” A nice mellow number with a bluesy lilt from Jeffrey Foucault. From this mystery country we move on to Argentina where Luiz Marenco sings about De bota e bombacha, a song about gauchos wearing their boots and chaps as they ride the range. Although in Portuguese, the song has a bit of a French feel to it with the lovely accordion solo.
So we move on to France for quite a different take on things. Sophie Les Bas Bleus (Sophie Blue Stockings) sings about Sans-Culottes. Sans-Culottes literally means “without breeches,” the fancy pants worn by the French aristocracy around the time of the French Revolution. The Sans-Culottes referred to the peasantry who wore pantaloons (long trousers) instead. The Sans-Culottes were avid supporters of the revolution. Sophie’s song is a feminist protest song which includes the lyrics “Free the nipples! Burn your pants! Let's go panty-free for a revolution. Let's force narrow brains to abdicate. Naked or well dressed, let's become liberated.” I think Bull Moose Jackson would drink to that! But probably not for the right reasons.
Katzenjammer brings us down to earth with a contemplative and rather sad song about suicide. Wading in Deeper tells the story of a woman wading into the water, first up to her knees, then her waist, and eventually the “The ties to her arms and her legs pull her down.”
We close out with two livelier tunes. Kenny sings about a girl known as Fancy Pants. No! This lively rocker is not about the knee breeches of the French aristocracy! But it may well be about the fancy pants worn by the band in the video. Now those are fancy pants! I don’t think I would have worn those even back in the 70s when I wore bell-bottoms.
And we’re back to Big Legs, this time celebrated by Omar and the Howlers. God, I love the organ work in this number. It rocks! The guitar solo too.
And we close out our set with another outing from Captain Beefheart. Sure it’s zedded, but it fits perfectly as a closer to our tribute to George (webcore) Boyland. Golden Birdies is an odd duck of a song to be sure. Not just any old duck. Not only is this duck dressed for the topic, he quacks out our friend’s pseudonym. “And the pantaloon duck, white goose neck, quacked ‘Webcore, webcore’.” Now we know how he came up with that moniker. We miss you, Webby.
The ’Armless but not Legless A-List Playlist:
1. Bluejeans and Moonbeams – Captain Beefheart (severin)
2. Legs – ZZ Top (happyclapper)
3. Big Legged Woman (In a Short, Short Mini Skirt) – Freddie King (Nicko)
4. Peg Leg Woman – Willie King (Nicko)
5. Blue Jeans Blues – Jeff Healey (tincanman)
6. Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk – Dr Hook (Fred Erickson)
7. I Want a Bow-Legged Woman – Bull Moose Jackson & His Buffalo Bearcats (Nicko)
8. Levii’s Jeans – Beyoncé and Post Malone (MussoliniHeadkick)
9. Americans in Corduroy – Jeffrey Foucault (TatankaYotanka)
10. De bota e bombacha – Luiz Marenco (nosuchzone)
11. Sans-Culottes – Sophie Les Bas Bleus (nosuchzone)
12. Wading in Deeper – Katzenjammer (severin)
13. Fancy Pants – Kenny (vastariner)
14. Big Legs – Omar and the Howlers (Fred Erickson)
15. Golden Birdies – Captain Beefheart (barbryn)
Blue Jeans, Bloomers, Bow Legs and Beyond B-List:
1. Black Denim Trousers and Motorcycle Boots – The Cheers (Suzi)
– apparently the first ever motorcycle song to hit the charts in 1955.
2. Jeans On – David Dundas (MussoliniHeadkick) – another motorcycle song.
3. Long Legs – The Magic Numbers (happyclapper) – a lovely love song with bounce.
4. Miniskirt – AOA – a little J-pop. Legs are more implied than mentioned (thighsmentioned) but I like the song too much to drop it.
5. Crazy Legs – Gene Vincent (TarquinSpodd) – Gene Vincent was the favourite
artist of RockingMitch, another of our departed friends.
6. Magumede – Johnny Clegg (nosuchzone) – this one’s in Zulu.
7. Skinny Legs and All – Joe Tex (Fred Erickson) – sings the praises of skinny-legged women (in contrast to the plethora of songs lauding big legs!)
8. Bow-Legged Woman, Knock-Kneed Man – Hot Tuna (Nicko) – one of a number of bawdy songs nominated.
9. Blue Jean Blues – ZZ Top (tincanman) – I opted for Jeff Healey’s version for the A-List. Both are terrific.
10. Bow Legged Daddy – Blue Lu Barker with Danny Barker & Band (Nicko) –another bawdy song. Dirty blues from the 1930s.
11. Stockings – Suzanne Vega (AltraEgo) – a sensuous song hinting at a lesbian relationship.
12. I Can’t Dance, I Got Ants in My Songs – Clarence Williams (Nicko) – one of several about ants in your pants which I couldn’t quite fit into the A List.
13. Hey Hey – Icky Renrut (Nicko) – another ants in your pants song. This one isfrom Ike Turner: notice the spelling of the last name!
14. Pink Peg Slacks – Eddie Cochran (severin) – he’s out shopping and gets infatuated with a pair of pink peg pants, pants with tight cuffs. Only problem—he’s broke!
15. She Ain’t Got No Legs – Bloodhound Gang (Fred Erickson) – another bawdysong about a guy who’s infatuated with his legless girlfriend. Definitely the weirdest song nominated this week!
16. Cheveux Blonds et Pantalons - Les Azteks (TarquinSpodd) – Blonde hair and pants. A little French. I opted for another French song in the A List.
17. Hot Pants Explosion – The B-52s (Fred Erickson) – another bawdy song, though not as crude as some.
18. Snag the Britches – The Four Blazes (Nicko) – don’t you hate when you snag your pants on something? A jazzy tune.
19. I Caught You With Your Pants Down – Shirley Brown (Fred Erickson) – despite the title, not a bawdy song. She only caught them kissing. How disappointing! But great blues.
20. Reminiscing on a Blue Jean Girl – Chris McDermott (tincanman) – nice little tune.
21. Tight Fittin’ Jeans – Conway Twitty (Fred Erickson) – a little country twang about a guy who meets a rich woman slumming it in a cowboy bar cuz she’s always had a hankering for a cowboy.
22. Tent in Your Pants – Peaches (Fred Erickson) – oh yeah! Another bawdy song!
Hurts so good she’s got a soregasm!
23. My Son John – Boiled in Lead (Fred Erickson) – about a soldier who lost his legs to a cannonball in the war. A sobering anti-war song. Haunting.
24. Blue Jeans – Skyhooks (Fred Erickson) – everybody’s wearing them.
25. Smarty Pants – First Choice (Fred Erickson) – she might be known as smarty pants, but the twist ending shows she’s not as clever as she thinks she is
26. Blue Jeans – Chocolate Milk (Fred Erickson) – she’s hot stuff and she knows how to strut it. Name checks ten different brands.
27. Run Legs Run – Will Franklin (TatankaYotanka) – he’s on the lam from the law. He better run!
28. Where Did My Legs Go? – John Mayall (TatankaYotanka) – they didn’t go anywhere. He’s drunk.
29. Baby’s Got Her Blue Jeans On – Mel McDaniel (Fred Erickson) – she stops traffic when she walks by in her tight jeans
30. Where’d You Get Those Pants – Fishbone (Fred Erickson) – there’s a bawdy element to this one as well. The way she looks, well, it affects his jeans as well. “You give my brand new pants a brand new happy fit.” We all love a happy ending!
Guru’s Wildcard Picks:
Jodi Benson - Part of Your World (from The Little Mermaid)
(Some leg envy …)
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations in response to last week's topic: Out on a limb: songs about legs, trousers/pants and other coverings. The next topic will launch on Thursday after 1pm UK time.
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