By ShivSidecar
Dear Cathy & Claire:
Who is my ideal love partner? Somebody like myself, to validate my status as a decent, normal human being? Or somebody whose behaviour, tastes, appearance, opinions or outlook seem challenging, but oddly appeal to me and nobody else?
C & C reply:
Probably a synthesis of the above, kidda! Why not ask the folks at The Song Bar to come up with ideas dealing with the latter and find out about some quirky guys / gals / inanimate objects to help you make up your mind! We love pictures of cats wearing deely-boppers!)
Cathy ‘n’ Claire’s problem page from British teenage magazine Jackie. A 1960s edition …
There were a lot of ideas exposed in song this week, and I wasn’t joking about the inanimate objects. I realised early on that I couldn’t possibly do justice to the range of quirks and weirdness on offer, so these lists will be a little less structured than usual.
Let’s start with Mickey & Sylvia’s charming 1950s statement of the obvious: Love Is Strange. (Trivia corner: written by Bo Diddley under the name Ethel Smith. Sylvia later married Smokey Robinson and had a huge 1970s hit with Pillow Talk.) A less mainstream approach to the subject is found in Depeche Mode’s ode to BDSM, Strangelove (“Strange highs and strange lows… will you take the pain… and will you return it?”). The official video is a very 1980s vision of kink; the fetish clothes sported by the ladies are nowadays worn by your local television weather presenter (sometimes).
The element of danger in these relationships is a turn-on for many, as summarised in Poison Girls’ Other: “You’re so other, you’re so white, pale, as you lie on my dark skin, you’re from the other side, no familiarity to ease me in”. Bad taste though it is, other participants enjoy a master or mistress and slave parallel – “you can find happiness in slavery”, according to Nine Inch Nails’ uncomfortably intense performance.
Unusual relationships don’t have to involve extreme behaviour or physical discomfort. Eternal love may have been the aim of Cathy & Claire’s readers, but eternity is a long time. Some partnerships develop between people who have difficulty in social interaction. Luvcat believes that her only friends are flies – luckily she’s found happiness with Dr John Cooper Clarke. He must be her only true love – so she’s slowly, imperceptibly, poisoning him. Helen Reddy’s huge AOR hit Angie Baby sets a mellow groove against a shocking narrative in which a “crazy girl” is visited by the local Peeping Tom: “The headlines read that a boy disappeared, and everyone thinks he died – ‘cept a crazy girl with a secret lover, who keeps her satisfied.” Warning: some of the language around Angie’s condition wouldn’t be acceptable to many in the 2020s.
Unfairly, changes of appearance can cause reassessments of people’s attractiveness – she cut off her hair, got a tattoo etc. In the Dave Rawlings Machine’s Short Haired Woman Blues, the lady has her hair “cut like a farm boy’s” – “Oh, it’s just a game, she told me”. Braiding her hair with flowers gives the heroine an extra feature in The Cowsills’ slightly daffy sunshine pop classic The Rain, The Park And Other Things. The narrator just loves the Flower Girl straight away…
Certain inanimate objects undoubtedly carry a romantic or sexual charge. Cars and motorbikes are shiny and designed to suggest power, with the added thrill of freedom to go wherever you want… or into the unknown. Marc Bolan’s songs were always fantastical, but in the early 1970s he jettisoned warlocks and white swans for classic rock ‘n’ roll imagery. In T.Rex’s jittery Jeepster he adopts the persona of a car to match his lady’s Jaguar: “Just like a car you’re pleasing to behold”. Fixation with objects sometimes seems unfathomable, as cleverly parodied by Italian band Nanowar Of Steel in And Then I Noticed She Was A Gargoyle: “…her statuesque beauty took my breath away… I should have checked the fine print long ago”. It works best when heard with the accompanying video.
Sexuality shouldn’t be an indicator of quirk, but is seen by some as a divisive ingredient in social relationships. The Belle Of St. Mark, performed by Sheila E., describes an androgynous character “frail but passionate”, apparently inspired by the song’s author, Prince. The lyrics describe his unusual appearance in highly distinctive language. Lou Reed’s Coney Island Baby is dedicated to his transgender companion, Rachel. As a teen in the 1970s Lou was perceived as having gay tendencies, and was forced to undergo ECT: “Man, you ain’t never going to be no human being”. The song describes his coming to terms with his sexuality, and his eventual happiness with Rachel.
Odds & sods
Pets are popular (platonically). Swell’s Bridgette, You Love Me is about one man’s intense relationship with a police dog. There’s a certain amount of pissing and shitting to cope with, and that’s just the dog.
There were several songs nominated envisaging love in the future. Japanese band Yapoos try to see things from a lady robot’s POV – why won’t anybody love her?: “The way I function is dangerous! I’ve been equipped with an intercontinental ballistic missile – my system is set to self-destruct!” Whoops. (Translations vary).
I was intrigued by Australian band Augie March, whose For One Crowded Hour explores the experience of two potential lovers chatting in a busy bar, alone, and oblivious to their surroundings. “The lyrics get beautifully odd and wordy” writes Nicko in his nomination (too long to quote in full here – check them out at leisure). “The green-eyed harpy of the salt land… one crowded hour would lead to my wreck and ruin”. There’s much more in similar vein.
Lisa Germano loves a snot (you can probably guess). “Tubby tubby face, icky icky breath – I adore you”. There’s somebody for everybody – quirky, unusual or weird.
Alternative Attraction A-List Playlist:
Mickey & Sylvia – Love Is Strange
Depeche Mode – Strangelove
Poison Girls – Other
Nine Inch Nails – Happiness In Slavery
Luvcat with Dr John Cooper Clarke – He’s My Man (The Anniversary)
Helen Reddy – Angie Baby
Dave Rawlings Machine – Short Haired Woman Blues
The Cowsills – The Rain, The Park And Other Things
T.Rex – Jeepster
Nanowar Of Steel – And Then I Noticed She Was A Gargoyle
Sheila E. – The Belle Of St Mark
Lou Reed – Coney Island Baby
Swell – Bridgette, You Love Me
Yapoos – Lolita # 108
Augie March – For One Crowded Hour
Lisa Germano – I Love A Snot
Be My Bizarre Baby B-List Playlist:
Bobby Taylor & The Vancouvers – Does Your Mama Know About Me?
Joan Armatrading – I Love It When You Call Me Names
Woody Guthrie – Gypsy Davy
Machine Gun Fellatio – The Girl Of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares)
Los Campesinos! – I Love You (But You’re Boring)
Magazine – Cut-Out Shapes
VRSex – Inanimate Love
Eels – My Beloved Monster
The Plimsouls – Hypnotized
ZZ Top – Got Me Under Pressure
Papa Levi – Bonnie And Clyde
Evelyn Evelyn – Have You Seen My Sister Evelyn?
Garfunkel & Oates – Gay Boyfriend
Guru’s Wildcard Picks:
October Country – My Girlfriend Is A Witch
Jefferson Airplane – Plastic Fantastic Lover
Spirit – Water Woman
The Three O’Clock – With A Cantaloupe Girlfriend
Super Furry Animals – Herman Loves Pauline [Albert Einstein]
Those Naughty Lumps – Iggy Pop’s Jacket
Hindu Love Gods – Raspberry Beret
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations in response to last week's topic: Strange attractions: songs about quirky and unusual love. The next topic will launch on Thursday after 1pm UK time.
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