By Marco den Ouden
Oh what a topic! Double entendres are a juicy subject indeed. Probably because most double entendres are of a, shall we say, salacious nature. Some may think dirty ditties got their start with the dirty blues of the 30s. In fact, they have been around a lot longer than that.
Greek mythology is replete with bawdy stories, many centred around Zeus who was a bit of a rake. Aristophanes included risqué humour in his plays and may have inspired a song or two. Whether they would have included double entendres or not is a big question mark.
But British folk traditions have their fair share of music with double entendres. So let’s start off with an old sea shanty, Cruisin’ Round Yarmouth sung by Cyril Tawney. An encounter between two sailors, one of them a woman.
I lift up her hatches, found plenty of room,
And into her cabin I stuck my jib-boom.
She took me upstairs and her topsails she lowered,
In a neat little parlour she soon had me moored.
She laid in her foresails, her staysails an’ all,
With her lily-white hand on my reef-tackle fall.
Brings a whole new meaning to sailing over the bounding main!
From the sea to a poem by Robert Burns, Brose and Butter as sung by Eddi Reader. There’s wit and double entendre here as in the lines:
The lark she loves the grass
The hen she loves the stubble
And hey for the gardner lad
Tae gully away wi’ his dibble
In modern times, if you can call the 1930s modern times, there started a tradition called dirty blues. I’m only listing one here. But the entire C List is nothing but dirty blues. For this list I’m going with a singer not as well known as most of the singers of this genre, but a remarkable one. A number of years ago my wife and I saw a stage musical called Cookin’ at the Cookery. It was a two woman show about the life and times of Alberta Hunter, told in story and song. One of the songs was My Handyman Ain’t Handy Any More.
He shakes my ashes,
Greases my griddle,
Churns my butter,
And he strokes my fiddle, aw
My man, is such a handy man
Ooh la la! And that’s not all he does!
Occupations, in fact, were one of the recurring themes. Elevator operators going down. Dentists filling cavities. And doctors with their injections. Like Dr. Kitsch aka Lord Kitchener. Despite his protestation that he’s not a doctor, Dorothy insists on an injection.
She said Dr Kitch I am sorry
But the size of the needle frighten me
I push it in
She pull it out
I push it back
She start to shout
It’s a reggae number, as were a good number of suggestions this week.
Now we move on to another popular theme. Fruits and vegetables and other vegetation. A marrow is sort of a large zucchini/courgette. Billy Cotton sings The Marrow Song (Oh What a Beauty!). He beckons to the lady down the way to come have a look. “And when she saw the size of it, the little lady sighed.”
Lord Creator tells of the Big Bamboo. “It stand up straight and tall and the big bamboo pleases one and all.”
And now it's off to Japan where the all-girl group Ebisu Muscats sing the praises of their school, Banana Mango High School. Something that surprised me is that members of this group are AV Idols. What’s that? you ask. Believe it or not, AV Idols are a form of Japanese porn star. “バナナ バナナ マンゴー マンゴー” Oh my! School wasn’t like that back in my day!
Can’t leave out the other food groups, can we? Richard and Linda Thompson borrowed the ice-cream man from the occupations list to sing the praises of his wares in Hokey Pokey (The Ice Cream Song):
“Feels so good when you put it in your mouth.
Sends a shiver all down your spine.”
Meanwhile Honky Tonk Highway wants to make sure you get your fibre. Baby, I Love Your Biscuits! “Man are they hot, steaming up the whole darn kitchen!”
We’re not done with food yet! French singer Camille sings the praises of a Fontaine de Lait (Fountain of Milk). Just to make sure there’s no mistaking her intentions, she sings “Une fontaine de lui … Une fontaine de lait.” (A fountain of him … A fountain of milk.) And just to emphasize the point, watch the video!
And our last tasty treat! What could be sweeter than sugar? Sheena Easton tells about her Sugar Walls. “You can't fight passion when passion is hot. Temperatures rise inside my sugar walls.” Sounds yummy!
Of course, sugar walls are a euphemism for the feline quadruped. Which is a euphemism for … (You didn’t think I’d actually name it, you silly bunt! And there were a goodly number of songs about the feline quadruped. My favourite was Connie Vannett’s The Pussy Cat Song. Her little pet had few mishaps. Got wet when it rained. Got too hot in the sun. Scratched at the door so long she got sore. “Sore, wet hot pussy! Just a friendly little cat.”
Besides fruits, vegetables, occupations and felines, one musical instrument proved to be a popular topic. Dinah Washington sings about the trombone, or as she calls it, that Big Long Slidin’ Thing. Even the music is steamy! A torch song if ever there was one.
Speaking of musical instruments, crossing the border to Germany we find Marlena Dietrich also known as Naughty Lola. Her pianola is hard at work, but “Don't hammer on the keys for a little pianissimo is always bound to please.”
We’ve been to the France, Japan and the Caribbean, not to mention America and Britain, so now we go back to our Gallic (rhymes with phallic) friends for Le Gaz by Jacques Brel. About a house of ill repute that runs on the sly. Everyone that goes there is going for the gas. The plumber, the postman, the doctor, the notary, the cops, yes. “Et tout ça est là pour le gaz.” Right! And I’ve got a bridge you might want to buy!
There were few songs that tried to spell it out. All interesting. But my favorite was Britney Spears with If You Seek Amy. “All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to, if you seek Amy.” Raunchy!
And we close with a good laugh. British comedian Kenneth Williams in his alter ego of Rambling Syd Rumpo, was noted for introducing a song about some piece of popular slang doggerel, adding a few made up words of his own, and singing about it to a popular tune. Here he takes a jibe at Australian slang with The Song of the Australian Outlaw. Sung to Waltzing Matilda. Fair dinkum, mate!
The Allusive and Euphemistic A-List Playlist:
Cruisin’ Round Yarmouth - Cyril Tawney (Suzi)
Brose and Butter - Eddi Reader (Suzi)
My Handy Man Ain’t Handy No More - Alberta Hunter (Nicko)
Dr. Kitsch - Lord Kitchener (Suzi)
The Marrow Song (Oh What a Beauty!) - Billy Cotton (TarquinSpodd)
Big Bamboo - Lord Creator (Nicko)
Banana Mango High School - Ebisu Muscats (TarquinSpodd)
Hokey Pokey (The Ice Cream Song) - Richard & Linda Thompson (Suzi)
Baby I Love Your Biscuits - Honky Tonk Highway (BanazirGalbasi)
Fontaine de Lait - Camille (untergunther)
Sugar Walls - Sheena Easton (SweetHomeAlabama)
The Pussycat Song - Connie Vannett (SweetHomeAlabama)
Big Long Slidin’ Thing - Dinah Washington (Nicko)
Le Gaz - Jacques Brel (TatankaYotanka)
Naughty Lola - Marlena Dietrich (Nicko)
If You Seek Amy - Britney Spears (Vikingchild)
Song of the Australian Outlaw - Kenneth Williams (TarquinSpodd)
The Box, Bell, Bone and Butterfly B-List Playlist:
Daisys Up Your Butterfly - The Cramps (Vikingchild)
Love Resurrection - Alison Moyet (Vikingchild)
Squeeze Box - The Who (Bobby Legwarmer)
My Ding-a-Ling - Chuck Berry (MussoliniHeadkick)
If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me - Bellamy Brothers (Noodsy)
The Cuckoo’s Nest - Tell Tale Tusk (Suzi)
Pearl Necklace - ZZ Top (BanazirGalbasi)
Up With the Cock - Judge Dread (vastariner)
Put the Bone In - Terry Jacks (SweetHomeAlabama)
Mary Jane - Rick James (SweetHomeAlabama)
Jelly Roll - Charles Mingus (Nicko)
My Girl’s Pussy - Harry Roy & his Orchestra (Suzi)
Right String but Wrong Yo-Yo - Piano Red (TarquinSpodd)
Ring My Bell - Anita Ward (ParaMhor)
KInda Lingers - Not the Nine O’Clock News (Uncleben)
Telephone Man - Meri Wilson (Shoegazer)
Cat Scratch Fever - Ted Nugent (Fred Erickson)
If You See Kay - April Wine (Uncleben)
The Combine Harvester - Brendan Grace (ParaMhor)
The Hole - Jake Thackray (TatankaYotanka)
Lazy Poker Blues - Fleetwood Mac (Nicko)
It Ain’t the Meat, It’s the Motion - Maria Muldaur (TatankaYotanka)
Ice Cream Man - Van Halen (tincanman)
The Cunning Linguist Dirty Blues And Calypso C-List Playlist:
The Dentist - Mighty Duke (Nicko)
Me and My Chauffeur - Memphis Minnie (Nicko)
The Easy Blues - John Martyn (Nicko)
Trombone Man Blues - Blue Lu Barker (Nicko)
Big Ten Inch - Bull Moose Jackson (Uncleben)
I’m Your Bread Baker, Baby - Slim Harpo (Nicko)
Keep on Churnin’ - Wynonie Harris (Nicko)
Let Me Play With Your Poodle - Lightnin’ Hopkins (Nicko)
I Didn’t Like It the First Time (The Spinach Song) - Julia Lee (Nicko)
The Kitty Cat Song - Lee Dorsey (Fred Erickson)
Sam the Hot Dog Man - Lil Johnson (Nicko)
Back Door Santa - Clarence Carter (Nicko)
Guru’s G-Spot List:
Let’s Duet - John C. Reilly & Angela Correa (singing voice) - from the movie Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) - Big and Rich
Empty Bed Blues - Bette Midler
My Cat Fell In the Well (Well! Well! Well!) - Manhattan Transfer
Butcher Pete - Roy Brown
Mustang Ranch - Black Joe Lewis & the Honeybears
Camille just getting her daily intake of dairy
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations in response to last week's topic: Come, blow your horn: songs with double entendres. The next topic will launch on Thursday after 1pm UK time.
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