By The Landlord
“Life is a near-death experience.” – George Carlin
“The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.” – Francis Bacon
“You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” – Marlon Brando, On The Waterfront
“My wife never misses me. Her aim is perfect.” – Tommy Cooper
It's often all about small margins. Recently then, in mysterious circumstances, a certain American, loud wannabe presidential candidate took one in the ear, and presumably not for the first time in his life, was incredibly lucky. Not so much for three other people who happened to be nearby. And not so much either, for all the bigger monsters, 66 million years ago, with the onset of the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event, when an asteroid 10 to 15 kilometres wide hit the Earth, and set about the end of the dinosaurs and many other lifeforms, but ironically led to the diversification of mammals, and eventually us.
Mind you, if Mr Earplaster (currently with a handy spot to hide an earpiece prompter?) wins the election in November, then human and animal extinction, from climate meltdown or other disasters, will be considerably accelerated.
So then, this week it's all about the almost events, the nearly happenings, the close shaves, the near misses, the white-knuckle moments, the narrow escapes, all for better or worse, however, and whatever way you look at them, the tiny marginal could-have-gone-either-way events that make you think, gasp, feel relieved, grateful, sorry, or change your perspective.
It could be examples in the minuscule and microcosm, the private and personal, to the mass public and macrocosmic astronomical. It can cover all sides of life, from the almost having met or spoken to that love interest on a station platform, or only by the tiniest chance having met them, to those sporting chances of missed goals, throws or catches by millimetres, or any other context of life wherein tiny changes have significance.
In the past we've explored some parallel topics, such as songs about accidents, and alternative outcomes, such as sliding door moments, but this week it's all about the tiny marginal events that went one way, or the other, depending on how you look at it, and are in some way captured in song lyrics.
History has seen a lot of close calls in different ways. most of which of pass us by with barely any attention. Large asteroid bodies pass overhead all the time, usually far enough away not to be dangerous, but are plentiful. One of the best known was 1972's Great Daylight Fireball, also known as the Grand Teton Meteor, which passed within 57km (35 miles) of Earth's surface over Utah, grazing the Earth's atmosphere for around 100 seconds at a speed of over 9 miles a second) and was watched by astonished humans as it moved northwards to leave our atmosphere over Alberta, Canada. An eyewitness to the event, located in Missoula, Montana, saw the object pass directly overhead and heard a double sonic boom. Its size was somewhere between 3 to 14 meters in diameter, depending on whether it was a comet made of ice or a stony and therefore denser asteroid.
Asteroids coming ‘ear anytime …
And on other levels, potentially bigger events that could have finished us all, and may happen again. There have been full accidents such as Chernobyl and Fukushima, but the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 counts as a near catastrophic miss, and the Windscale fire at Sellafield nuclear power in Cumbria of 10 October 1957 one of many events that could have brought a far bigger disaster. And up in the air, on 24 January 24, 1961, at the height of the Cold War, an American B-52 bomber over Goldsboro, North Carolina, had a major wing malfunction, and the body of the plane began to fall apart, releasing two nuclear bombs on parachutes. One landed safely, but the other one's parachute didn't open, but luckily on landing, it didn't detonate. The nuclear bombs that landed in August 1945 at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which killed over 200,000 people, had the explosive power of 0.01 and 0.02 megatons. The bombs that landed, but somehow didn't detonate in Goldsboro, were 3.8 megatons.
Everywhere then, big or small, there are accidents waiting to happen, not somehow not happening.
Doing the side walk …
The great es-skate …
Water close one …
Whether famous, infamous or anonymous, life can be fragile. History is littered with political assassinations, but more numerous are the near misses. Queen Victoria, for example, survived seven such incidents. The most famous was early in her reign, when on 10 June 1840, when with her husband Prince Albert, they were shot at were traveling by horse-drawn carriage in Oxford, but the assailant in the crowd missed several times. How might history have been different had his aim been better?
Similar questions could arise had Vladimir Lenin not survived being shot twice by Fanny Kaplan at a Moscow Factory on 30 August 1918. Or had the bullets shot by John Hinckley Jr. at President Ronald Reagan outside the Washington Hilton on 30 March 1981 had landed in a slightly different spot.
Was it luck? Perhaps not, when you're surrounded by power and protection. Here's Howard Schultz more on the subject in general:
"I believe life is a series of near misses. A lot of what we ascribe to luck is not luck at all. It's seizing the day and accepting responsibility for your future. It's seeing what other people don't see And pursuing that vision."
Modern life is full of tiny obsessions over near misses in sport, whether in football, cricket or other sports, or tiny fractions of seconds in races. Here's basketball great Michael Jordan who reckons he's made his own luck: "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
But as well as hitting the mark, near misses can also be a matter of great art and skill.
For further visual inspiration, some highlights from the arch close-shave artist, the tru genius Buster Keaton:
So then, it's time to capture your own almost events, nearly happenings, close shaves and near misses expressed in song form. Judging the tiny margins sees the return of an excellent regular overseer, Loud Atlas! Place your songs below for deadline at 11pm on Monday for playlists published next week. Will you hit or miss?
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