By ShivSidecar
If you have the courage to perform in public you can’t be a shrinking violet. You need confidence and cool, but you also need a measure of bravado and brashness. That’s why so much popular music relies on putting forward a persona, which may or may not be an exaggerated version of yourself. You want to be likeable, but – more so – you want to tell everybody why you should be admired and loved. And if that involves a certain measure of hype and exaggeration – what’s wrong with that? Billy Ward & his Dominoes’ “Sixty Minute Man” dates back to the pre-rock era – some claim it as “the first rock’n’roll record” – but the singer’s estimation of his abilities is as familiar today: “There’ll be fifteen minutes of kissin’, then you’ll holler Please Don’t Stop! There’ll be fifteen minutes of teasin’, fifteen minutes of squeezin’, and fifteen minutes of me blowin’ my top…” (The Dominoes came back five years later with “Can’t Do Sixty No More”).
For Wilson Pickett that’s not the half of it – “I sure know how to please a woman” really goes without saying, but truly the gods were present at his conception: “Only once in a lifetime a man like me comes along, Shakespeare wrote poems about me even before I was born.” There’s also a dubious joke about a camel.
Increasingly, 70s music came to focus on the all-round hipness of the performer. James Brown (the modestly self-proclaimed Godfather Of Soul) based his career on instructing his audience to dance, and “Look at me! I’m a bad mutha!”, as he does on “The Boss”. But being laid-back is a virtue, too: Rasputin’s Stash identify as “Mr Cool”, who wears a mean dark pair of shades, and “I was the first man on the moon, in a satellite… I turned to the moonfolks and hollered, "What's my name?" And they called me cool – Mr Cool.” No jive.
Music naturally evolves, and now rap and hip-hop rule the world, probably for ever. Much rap relies on braggadocio – boasting about the performer’s rapping and rhyming talents, their wealth, their sexual prowess (natch), and put-downs of their rivals. Grandmaster Melle Mel & the Furious Five’s witty “Step Off” is an early example, which covers all the bases. Great line: “I'm like Shakespeare, I'm a pioneer, because I made rap somethin' people wanted to hear.” I hope Chaka Khan liked it. And rapping is a skill – words pour unstoppably out of Roxanne Shanté, almost all about herself: “A wonderful facility for rhyming with agility. You think that you can get with me? When will it be? … You're the beginner, Shante's the winner, having all the competition for dinner…” She has something to brag about.
Rockers lead such genteel lives by comparison. Joe Walsh has a cottonwool existence in LA – “I’m making records, my fans they can’t wait…” Well, sort of: “I have a limo, I ride in the back – I lock the doors in case I’m attacked” – the entire lyric is quotable. As with all the best satire, you do have to wonder whether there isn’t a deeper truth just below the pool surface. Brakes’ “Heard About Your Band” is a fan’s eye view of their indie heroes’ loose-lipped namedropping, ending with a shrug. “Whatever, dude”.
For some, the confidence evaporates with age. Cat Power’s lovely “The Greatest” recalls when “Once I wanted to be the greatest … no wind or waterfall could stall me.” Is this about another “Greatest” – Muhammad Ali? The line “Two fists of solid rock, with brains” is suggestive, at least. And sometimes it makes no difference. Whitfield/Strong’s mighty lyric for The Temptations’ “I Can’t Get Next To You” offers “I can turn the grey sky blue, I can make it rain whenever I want it to, I can build a castle from a grain of sand, I can make a ship sail on dry land… but I can’t get near to you, babe.” Both the original and a fascinating cover by Thee More Shallows were nominated; I’ve decided to list them both.
Let’s finish with a rave-up. R.E.M.’s swaggering cover of The Clique’s goofy “Superman” (“I can do anything”) features Mike Mills on vocals and a pull-string Godzilla doll on the intro. Thanks for a fun week, everybody.
That’s not quite the end, but this last song is quite intense and you may wish to stop listening here – I found it awful but compelling. It acknowledges that boastfulness and bravado can be a symptom of extreme mental distortion. The narrator of “Aisha” by Death In Vegas says “I’m a murderer. We live in a cemetery, a cold and damp place, and science runs through us, making us Gods…” It’s not a good day for Aisha.
Audaciously Egotistical A-List Playlist:
1. Billy Ward & His Dominoes – Sixty Minute Man
2. Wilson Pickett – A Man And A Half
3. James Brown – The Boss
4. Rasputin’s Stash – Mr Cool
5. Grandmaster Melle Mel & The Furious Five – Step Off
6. Roxanne Shanté – Go On Girl
7. Joe Walsh – Life’s Been Good
8. Brakes – Heard About Your Band
9. Cat Power – The Greatest
10. The Temptations – I Can’t Get Next To You
11. Thee More Shallows – I Can’t Get Next To You
12. R.E.M. - Superman
13. Death In Vegas - Aisha
Bombastically Braggadocio B-List Playlist:
1. Kid Creole & the Coconuts – I’m A Wonderful Thing, Baby
2. EPMD – Strictly Business
3. Young MC – Know How
4. The Third Bardo – I’m Five Years Ahead Of My Time
5. The Warlocks – We Took All The Acid
6. Utopia – Princess Of The Universe
7. Candye Kane – Estrogen Bomb
8. Manic Street Preachers – You Love Us
9. Virgin Prunes – I Am God
10. Tom Waits – Going Out West
11. Juicy Bananas – Bad Man
12. Eminem – Without Me
13. Chance The Rapper featuring Megan Thee Stallion - Handsome
14. chelmico – Easy Breezy
15. Munchausen – No Bra (Warning: offensive and childish – but aren’t we all?)
Guru’s Wildcard Picks:
Z list playlist of songs I might have nominated this week:
1. Captain Beefheart & his Magic Band – Sure ‘Nuff ‘N Yes I Do
2. Ian Dury & the Blockheads – If I Was With A Woman
3. Cerys Matthews – How Can You Say So Little When You Talk So Much
4. David Bowie & The Lower Third – Can’t Help Thinking About Me
5. Bette Bright & The Illuminations – Soulful Dress (Sugar Pie DeSanto is zedded)
6. The Pipettes – We Are The Pipettes
7. The Beat - Best Friend
8. Klark Kent – Don’t Care
9. Steve Burns – Mighty Little Man [Theme tune from “Young Sheldon”]
10. The Flaming Lips – The Captain Is A Cold-Hearted and Egotistical Fool
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations from last week's topic: This topic is the greatest! Boastful songs. The next topic will launch on Thursday at 1pm UK time.
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