By Severin
Georges Braque, don't do that …
Now children, I want you all to say “Good Morning” to Mr Landlord. Good Morning Mr Landlord.
No, Sidney, not “goodbye”, or "goodnight". The reason Mr Landlord looks so tired is that he’s only just got back from Glastonbury.
Now, today, we are painting and talking about painters, and this is my friend, Caroline who is painting such a lovely picture with her Painting Box.
I wonder what it is? Perhaps it’s a mouse, or a cat, or something. Oh, it’s a girl with a pearl earring. For a moment I thought it was a cat but now you tell me I can see…
Well, no dear, it’s not quite like Vermeer. Very similar in style but No One Was Quite Like Vermeer, I’m afraid
Sidney, don’t throw paint at Edgar, please. Thank you.
I know I said you can choose what you are going to do but you cannot choose to throw paint at Edgar. That’s not “action painting”, that’s just being silly.
I’m sorry, Mr Landlord, he’s gone off in a huff. He says we’ll all be sorry “When I Paint My Masterpiece” I don’t think we’ll wait for that, shall we?
What’s that, Edgar? “Yume no Ukiyo ni Saite Mi na?” I’m not sure I understand, dear. Are you speaking with your mouth full? If so, take it out.
Oh, it was Japanese. That’s very good, Edgar. It means “Try to Bloom in a Dream about the Floating World.” He’s been to the British Museum and saw the Ukiyo E exhibition.
Sidney, take that paintbrush out of your ear! Yes it is a paintbrush! You can’t just say it isn’t. That’s not art, that’s being silly.
He has been looking at Magritte paintings, I’m afraid and he’s got quite the wrong idea.
Whose paintbrush was it anyway? Oh, it’s Lavinia’s! Lavinia has been painting pictures of Heaven with lots of lovely black angels. She says that the other painters paint beautiful angels but they never remember to paint black angels so she’s putting that right.
Yes, “Angelitos Negros”, Lavinia. That’s very good. We have been learning Spanish I see.
No Sidney, you can’t Paint Her Face. Lavinia doesn’t want her face painted. And you can’t Paint Me either. Why don’t you paint a nice picture on the paper I’ve given you?
Well, you could paint a picture of a house. Or a picture of mummy or daddy. Or somebody else. It doesn’t really matter as long as you keep the paintbrush out of your ear and the paint off other people.
Ah, you’re going to do a Portrait of a Man. That’s very good, we’ll decide who it is later shall we?
Now, Mr Landlord, Hazel here has been painting trees and animals. Oh it’s a jungle with lions and snakes is it Hazel? Yes, I think I can see.
Hazel wants to paint like Henri Rousseau. The Jungle Line she calls it. I do like to encourage creativity in our children. Some of them had only done Painting By Numbers before we started these classes.
Now, Sidney, you seem to have finished your picture, do you want to show it to us? Aren’t you going to give the man a nose? No nose?
I do think it’s so interesting the way they see things.
Georges! Georges! Don’t do that!
Well, because it’s not nice dear. Well yes, art is supposed to challenge people but perhaps it’s a good idea to wait a while before being quite as challenging as that …
Oh, Georges! Must I Paint You a Picture?
Artful A-List Playlist:
Incredible String Band – Painting Box
Jonathan Richman – No One Was Like Vermeer
The Band – When I Paint My Masterpiece
Momoiro Clover Z vs Kiss - Yume no Ukiyo ni Saite Mi na
John Cale – Magritte
Roberta Flack – Angelitos Negros
The Records – Paint Her Face
The Ohio Players – Paint Me
Screamin’ Jay Hawkins – Portrait of a Man
Joni Mitchell – The Jungle Line
Peter Hammill – Painting by Numbers
Billy Bragg – Must I Paint You a Picture
Brushed Up B-List Playlist
The Weepies – Painting by Chagall
Essential Logic – Quality Crayon Wax OK
David Nachmanoff – The Painter
Neil Young – The Painter
Idlewild – 1903-70
Caetano Veloso and Lila Downs – Burn it Blue
Gruff Rhys – Painting People Blue
Superchunk - Art Class (Song for Yayoi Kusama)
Barenaked Ladies – Drawing
XTC – My Paint Heroes
Lou Reed & John Cale – Smalltown
Neil Innes – Cezanne Says Anne
Paul McCartney and Wings – Picasso’s Last Words (Drink to Me)
Tracy Lawrence – Paint Me a Birmingham
Guru’s Wildcard Pick:
Honolulu Mountain Daffodils – I feel Like a Francis Bacon painting
I did consider including a jazz or classical instrumental piece in the main list but in the end went for songs about painters or painting. Here’s an alternative list of instrumental music that might have made it.
These playlists were inspired by readers' song nominations from last week's topic: Picture this: songs about painters, painting and drawing. The next topic will launch on Thursday at 1pm UK time.
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