By The Landlord
What crazy times. I think the most astonishing thought about the Covid-19 crisis and lockdown is that it is the first situation, or series of events, in living memory that has affected the daily lives of almost everyone in the entire world, almost simultaneously. Not even 9/11, Europe's Iron Curtain revolutions of 1989, JFK's assassination, the Cuban missile crisis, or even the moon landings come close to such universal effect, and have made such a profound effect on everyone. Surely nothing since the Second World War, and perhaps more pertinently, the First World War, with the flu epidemic that came during and followed it. It's a quite sobering fact that after that war was over, lockdown restrictions on the so-called Spanish flu were lifted to allow for Allied celebrations, but then over the period into 1919, total deaths rocketed to between 50-100 million. But we'll learn from history, won't we? The only thing that could top this to affect the human race is a massive comet collision, aliens landing, or a sudden huge climate disaster. But surely that ... Oh, hang on a minute …
Too true. But add apostrophe …
So this week, as a way to purge, find catharsis, express humour, tragedy, grief, meaning, shared experience and anything else over this 2020 situation so far, perhaps the time is ripe to apply the wonderful medium of song to the culture and experience of lockdown, whether public or private perspectives, using song titles and lyrics that might originally have been about something else entirely, or perhaps have been written more recently and directly about the Covid-19 crisis. If not a cure, at least music can be a form of entertaining treatment or balm to the soul.
And now, seeing as we're at crucial point when in many countries lockdown eases, inching, or perhaps more likely rushing towards into a big gamble or juggle between financial recovery or mass death, we're certainly at a pivotal point where how we behave next really matters. Have we learned something, gained or lost something?
Familiar look? Flu pandemic, 101 years ago. History repeats the same conceits. Mistakes were made …
Lockdown is a profound scenario, affecting all sides of society, and it brings out the best and the worst in us. From shops selling paracetamol for 10 times the normal price to volunteers delivery groceries to the vulnerable they've never met. From clapping for health workers, who have become national heroes, a spectrum of governments rallying and testing impressively (South Korea, New Zealand, Germany) to others be an utter shambles (UK, USA, Brazil).
So then, Boris Johnson and his band of incompetent, self-serving, self-entitled, make-it-up-on-the-spot, bumbling Inbetweeners. And the Trump, also blaming everyone but himself, lying continuously as usual, but upping the game to a new level, setting US states in a bidding war against each other to buy protective equipment at inflated prices, making dangerous and absurd health suggestions about drinking bleach or shining light into the body, and touting dubiously inappropriate pharmaceuticals as cures, perhaps strategically for his cronies to sell at profit. Death and dollars walking hand in hand, arms 2 metres long. And remarking, like the utter psychopath that he is, that it is “beautiful” to see “nurses running into death just like soldiers running into bullets”. Please just die you nasty, narcissistic fucking psycho. The virus has certainly brought out both angels and monsters. These people should be our leaders now”
Let’s make a song and dance about what’s important
We all have our own personal horror stories. In the UK we tend to go from polite queuing and mildly throat-clearing awkward reticence to mad, greedy extremes. Perhaps that comes from a culture of politeness and natural repression. It started here with panic buying, and, now habitually, as soon as the sun comes out, everyone seems compelled to strip off to their Eddy Grundies and sit about on park grass, crowded together like puffins on a rock. But that's not really a crime, it's just on the edge of careless. However, across the road from our house, some neighbours have taken the latest Boris Johnson nebulous 'stay alert' soundbite as an excuse to do anything they want. Two massive BBQ parties in three days, with around 60 people jammed together in a small garden, spilling onto the street. No masks, no gloves, but plenty of burgers and chicken, finger lickin' good, all eaten right out in the open, touching, breathing in. Mmm, lovely tasty Covid friesR ...
That certainly takes a big bite out of other examples – such as the comparatively mildly annoying person who doesn't give you quite enough space in a shop, or those awkward moments of personal space Tetris when you're try to pass by a family taking up the whole pavement. But wearing the new mask of ambiguity, a madness has descended, perhaps ramped up by a few weeks of briefly being sensible.
Titanic situation for pubs and music venues
I certainly miss friends, family members, socialising, and going to gigs, and worry very much about the future of music venues, festivals, musicians, not to mention many favourite pubs. But part of me is a cheerfully miserable misanthrope, inspired by an early love of Jonathan Swift, and there's something good about society having a huge wakeup call, a big boot landing up its lazy, sunbathing arse. And part of me welcomes any opportunity, an excuse for social distancing – at any time. But it's a shame the only really affective measure is to Shout "Mad, rapid dog!" or run down the high street brandishing a chainsaw and wearing a Leather Face mask. Well, that''s a PPE, isn't it?
But seriously, It's easy to blame idiots, point fingers, even at a safe distance, but perhaps that's falling into the hatred trap the likes of the Daily Mail/Mail Online just loves to stir up as a means to divide and conquer. Its owner, Lord Rothermere, or Rupert Murdoch will do anything to manipulate the news entirely for one reason - to safeguard their own interests, their tax havens, and support anyone who is in on this with them, or attack anyone who isn't. It's as simple as that. So if that means criticising nurses for using PPE equipment? Then do it. For emergency staff dancing to relieve stress? Of course. Or teachers' unions for trying to protect their own staff and children? Yes. Or destroy anyone who strives for a fairer, better world. Every time. Anything goes. If it owners of the Daily Fail, the Current Bun, or Poxy Fox News to stir people want to cause conflict and blame, then they'll do it. If it suits them to encourage people to go back to work and send them to their deaths, then they'll do it. This video rather brilliantly sums up the influence of the ‘Machine’ and how it is used.
But, time for deep breaths and calm. Tthere is also much to be positive about lockdown. It has brought time to reflect, weigh up what's valuable, face one's own weaknesses, catch up on longed-for activities, enjoy a sense of quiet, inner peace, slow down, ironically perhaps even get healthier, witness the partial recovery of the environment. It has also brought back, briefly, a sense of unity, of appreciation, of being considerate, that what we do affects others, and life is not only about self-preservation, that we are co-dependent, universally affected, connected. Another great thing is that celebrities, trying to keep their publicity machine going by posting from their lovely homes, have just looked ordinary, which is really what many of them are, with their bad hair, poor lighting and amateur self-filming. That said I’ve enjoyed seeing the news or other TV programmes from living rooms and bedrooms. It’s comforting.
But what’s great is that the real celebrities, as in the word celebrated, are in fact ordinary people, those doing absolutely vital jobs for our wellbeing. And who cannot but smile as these NHS workers at Basildon University Hospital dancing for some light relief. Who could ever criticise this? I spit on the likes of Katie Hopkins for even daring to try to. These people are brilliant. Not sure about he song, but the one on the right as definitely got some entertaining moves.
Another positive is the fabulous inventive, fundraising silliness that stay-at-home activity has encouraged, from people posing as classic paintings to the recent and superbly satirical and surreal Coronavision Song Contest, which, all homemade, embraced the genuinely catchy with the wonderfully awful:
So then, any lyrical phrase or title might come into play this week. Please release me? Stay in, get things done? Neighbour, neighbour? Keep your distance? Can't get close to you? Wash that man … A world of wordplay is open to you. Also in terms of songs written about lockdown, of which there are also now a few out there, my favourite so far has been this by Jeffrey Lewis, written in his New York apartment. Listen to the end. He completely nails it. Enjoy:
So then, leading us from lockdown, who better to conduct the virtual orchestra than a man at the very extremes of all of this, our New York correspondent, who will no doubt share with you tales of Central Park sadness to jogging mask madness, Cuomo crisis tactics, and high-rise lows, but stay-in highlights, the marvellous magicman! Place your lockdown adaptable songs in comments below before deadline at 11pm on Monday UK time, for playlists published on Wednesday. At least though, wherever you are stuck, you can always come to the Bar.
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